Covert Pressure Being A Schizophrenic

I feel pressured by the intrusive thoughts and voices daily. They test me in many different ways. I am actually perturbed that my character may change over time due to the covert pressure from many sides.

I started off my day well only to grapple with the usual daily stress carrying out activities. A delivery rider came by wearing a jacket with the words “Call my lawyer”. To me, those words seemed to be insinuating. It may be normal to others but I seem to think that it holds an extra meaning behind it. I feel as though the voices were intimidating me and giving me pressure subtly. On the other hand, I thought it was rather amusing as the voices cannot do anything as they are just my delusions.

Later, a neighbour slammed his gate and reversed his car right smack in front of my house. I felt as though he was trying to intimidate me. It is just that such act relates to me in a different way. I do understand that it was not done with a purpose or to cause harm. It is just that my mind is differently wired. I know I am safe within my house. I have recently fixed a surveillance camera (CCTV), not due to skepticism but rather, to upgrade the safety of my home. I have to admit I feel safer having the CCTV installed.

In the past, when I exercised outdoors on the porch, I have this thought that the neighbour comes out of his/ her house to pressure me in a subtle manner. I often ended up crying and arguing with my mother due to this delusion.

As I was having tea, I heard the neighbours slamming their car doors again, rendering me to have apologetic thoughts which are totally unnecessary, of course. It is not that they are angry with me, it is just them going out. Still, I reminded myself to do me and they do theirs. This is how my sensitive mind reacts to the daily happenings and interpreted them.

The covert pressure that I feel coming from every corner, even on a quiet day brings me discomfort. This is what I constantly feel daily whether I am indoors or out. I find it difficult to discuss this issue with others as what seems like covert pressure to me may be viewed as a mere coincidence to others. Hence, bringing it up may make me appear to be unstable.

I am sharing how I feel with the given circumstances that I face daily. I hope this will help you better understand the symptoms this condition brings.