Gave Your Best Yet Still Feel Pressured?
Ever felt that you have done great yet feel lousy due to the the intrusive thoughts or voices? Have you ever felt that the voices and intrusive thoughts make no sense yet you are unable to ignore them? Ever felt that no matter how good you have performed, you still feel it is not enough? You begin to doubt yourself, even though you have done your best.
These are the feelings and thoughts that sometimes go through my mind. I realised that each time I allowed myself a day off from my daily routine, I felt the pressure as though the world crashed down on me. I felt that I have not done enough and I am not progressing even though I have achieved a lot and am already doing my best. When I do well, I feel as though that it is absolutely necessary to do so but if I were to rest, it feels like I have done something very wrong. When I progressed and grow, the thoughts and voices said otherwise.
I would be less ‘attacked” if I were to carry out activities daily. It is ridiculous as rest is necessary to avoid being overwhelmed. This is however, the harsh reality of my condition. I feel pretty much drained with such comments as it is not a true reflection of my journey. I am often advised to just ignore them. It is easier said than done as it gets to me. My family has always advised me to be kind to myself and to allow myself a breather every now and then.
Sometimes, I function so well that it does not show outwardly that I have schizophrenia. No one can understand what goes on in my mind and the feelings that I go through throughout the day which leaves me drained and tired. Thus, explaining my tiredness can be quite tricky as l am seen able to go about doing my activities actively.
Despite my condition, I have made changes to my life to make it better. I hope to continue growing and progressing as I move along. Throughout this journey so far, I have lost a lot yet gained as much. After a decade, I am truly satisfied with my accomplishments which are mostly due to my perseverance and efforts in not giving up. I count my blessings that I came thus far. I will continue to move forward to be a better version of my future self.
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