Some days are good, while some are bad or poor. During the bad days, I would feel as though the world was crushing my spirit. I felt dejected, low, and depressed. My ability to progress and grow would be stunted on such days. Of course, such days do not reflect my entire journey, although unfortunately, they are part of it. As I am a person who follows my checklist strictly, I will usually save my emotional energy to ride out the waves even though it hurts.

I admit that I am shaken and broken whenever it happens. However, I refused to be destroyed by the voices. Just that, at times, they are relentlessly mean until it makes me feel as if the world is against me. Hearing them spew untruths about me hurts to the core. They called me all sorts of names, as if I represented a whole immoral textbook. My moral values, principles, mindset, lifestyle, and relationships are tested in many ways. It had been going on for more than ten years now, and I would not deny that it gets to me. It makes me feel fed up, and trying to defend myself makes it worse. Hence, I allow the harassment from the voices to wash over me while I do other activities to distract myself.

Each time I made progress or did something for myself, the annoying voices would try to drag me down and destroy my joy. I was tested to the core and provoked daily in the most cruel manner. Listening to them like a broken record can be quite sickening, as I have no outlet to express myself. I am thankful I can control my actions and still push for progress despite the challenges. All these years, I have been doing CBT, EFT tapping, and mindfulness meditation, yet I am attacked. It irks me that it keeps happening even when I do my best. Well, I guess that endurance is the key to managing them.

After more than a decade, I am so mentally and emotionally drained and do not wish to be in contact with anyone when I am going through bad days. I would rather keep to myself during such times to calm down and recharge. However, I am thankful to have good people around me who helped to lessen the pain caused by the voices. At least, I feel hopeful that there are people who understand me during the rough days.

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